Some years ago, I arrived at the decision to deactivate my Facebook account. I was going through a period of my life where I felt incredibly lonely, where I felt like I didn’t have many friends. Sadly for me, this was throughout my years at university. A time where people are supposedly finding themselves and having the time of their life.
Scrolling through Facebook made me feel more depressed – seeing groups of people out and about having a great time. Feeling the tears well up inside my chest, I looked at myself and then scrutinised the images of these amazing looking young women. I did the worst thing imaginable, I compared myself. If I felt secluded in my life but they were living it up, surely there must have been something wrong with me. They were prettier, more stylish, more slender, knew how to do their makeup well. Me? Well, I was the opposite of these features. I tried to fit in with the groups of chatty girls and confident guys, but it didn’t feel natural, I didn’t feel like I belonged – I didn’t feel good enough.
The most painful words I heard were that university is the time of your life and after that, it is all downhill. If I was hating my unsocial life at university, what would the rest of my life be like. I prayed to Allah to take away this loneliness from my life. To give me friends, to bring me happiness and to take away the deafening silence – where my thoughts would come out to play, ravaging my confidence.
Alhamdullilah, Allah answered my prayers and lifted me up when I was down. He gave me the friends I wanted and ushered me towards interests I fell in love with, which gave me the confidence I craved. I became self-assured and appreciated the uniqueness of others, rather than comparing myself to them. I was growing into myself and put my unfavourable feelings from university behind me.
Despite having come such a long way, I now feel like I am fast falling back into this black hole which I allowed to consume me for too long…
Part 2 is out tomorrow.